Jason Elliot Benda (26376) wrote,
Jason Elliot Benda

So it's been six weeks.

Back on the 16th of April, I decided to undertake an experiment. The idea was to try to focus more of my attention on my wife and less of my attention on my other friends, as she was feeling ignored. As a result, I decided to try avoiding social media and text messaging with my friends until we go to Anaheim. That meant avoiding Facebook and Twitter entirely, ignoring the e-mail address that those link to (a benefit of having purpose-based e-mail addresses), disabling the iMessage system on my iPhone (thus avoiding the ability to send messages without a record on the phone bill), and refraining from messaging and e-mailing friends other than Jennilee.

For the record, it hasn't worked quite like I had thought. I have had some messaging with Joyce, who is unique among my friends (other than Jennilee) in that I've actually physically seen her in the last six weeks (a function of being both a work colleague and a neighbor). Aside from that, though, I think I've held up my communication hiatus.

How's it going?

Two nights ago, Jennilee was looking at social media on her phone. "I just wanted to check on my Tumblr," she said; "it's been a while." When I said I thought she was just on there the previous day, she said, "That was yesterday morning; I didn't check again the rest of the day, and many of the folks on my feed are rather prolific posters." Wow, do I NOT miss that. Not that I have a Tumblr account (or Google+ or Instagram or whatever the last three fad services were), but the idea that <>, yeah, totally don't miss that.

What do I miss? Tough to say. I do still have moments where I have thoughts or ideas that I'd like to share with or confide in certain people, and I just have to ... not. It's not really a big deal, at least not as big as I would have suspected six weeks ago.

Is the experiment doing what it was intended to do? That's imposible to answer, since it's an experiment; its outcomes are what they are supposed to be, irrespective of what they might have been planned to be. Jennilee (who did not approve of this experiment to begin with, largely out of a fear from a previous relationship that my friends would turn on her for being controlling, which is poppycock but still how she feels) seems ambivalent on whether we've been any closer the last six weeks. She does feel somewhat suffocated when I share things with her (news articles and the like) that I might otherwise send to other friends or post somewhere.

I don't miss all of that as much as I would have thought. It's not like my friends aren't busy people and don't have better things to do than be pestered by me anyway; it's been a fact of life for as long as I've had adult-level friends that my friends are busier than I am, and the one time when that really wasn't true (when I was too busy to invest in those relationships) I functionally lost a longtime friend as we drifted. If I actually lose friends this year because I'm not on Facebook for a nine-week stretch, there should be serious questions about the caliber of friends I keep anyway. Of course, some folks (Jennilee included) have questioned my caliber of friends, and expressed dismay that I don't have more local friends, that I need to go out and fix that. You all know I don't work like that, and I never will. (If that means in your mind I need therapy, I respectfully disagree, and I know many of my friends (and relatives) support me in that.)

So, you're probably thinking that if I make this post here, that it violates the experiment. Not really, since I never visit or post here anymore anyway; I have no idea who might be in the audience, and frankly it doesn't much matter.
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